Conflict and negotiation often go hand in hand. At times the negotiation can take place first and the conflict eventually surfaces out of a failed negotiation. Other times the conflict leads to negotiation to solve the differences and eradicate the conflict. It is imperative that negotiators have a positive attitude in order to be successful. They can view conflict as natural and constructive. The skills they use to resolve conflict are not “magic.” They can be learned. Learning these skills can give you the strength and confidence needed to challenge others, and to start a positive negotiation. Understanding the skills of negotiation also keeps you going when others challenge you.
Defence Mechanisms Used in the Negotiation Process
There are two ways to view how conflict can arise during a negotiation.
- A negotiator’s internal state will diametrically affect the communication between the parties at the negotiation table.
- The interaction that happens at the table will have a direct affect on the negotiating parties.
A conflict or argument can lead us to become defensive or offensive. This is not unlike the “fight or flight” response we have in our more primal brain. Our response as people is complex. Nevertheless, we all react with a “cause and effect” reaction when faced with a conflict during our business negotiations.
Here are some of the most common of the defence mechanisms, used by negotiators in a conflict setting
- Denial – Like the proverbial ostrich with their head stuck in the sand, we do not acknowledge the existence of any conflict. If we don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist or will go away.
- Avoidance – Just like it sounds, we know the conflict is there, but we don’t want to deal with it, and make or find excuses to not deal with it.
- Projection – Permits us to deny our own faults by projecting these faults onto others. An example would be, “You’re at fault, not me”. Signs that indicate that projections are often based on vulnerability, helplessness, being over vigilant, hostility or suspicion. A person responds by either withdrawing or attacking.
- Reaction Formation – In this situation, a person might respond by adopting the traits or mannerisms of the person with whom they are engaged in conflict.
- Displacement – Rather than take our emotional reaction, such as anger out on the person we are in dissent with, we take it out on another person. Another form of displacement is to attack the person by changing the original topic of conflict, with some other unrelated complaint.
- Counter phobic – This defence entails our denying the anxiety we feel about the conflict, by becoming aggressive, confrontational, or carrying the proverbial “chip on the shoulder”.
- Escalation of the importance of the conflict – A person will respond to the conflict by blowing it out of proportion, or expressing their own needs, by acting overly melodramatic, and appearing too needy for attention. We want other people to believe our immediate needs are more important.
- Rationalizing and minimizing the scope of the conflict – A person distances themselves emotionally from the conflict, by concentrating on details or unrelated details.
When we realize that either we or the other party is responding in a defensive manner, the above may help in distinguish the reason behind the defensive reaction. When we understand what is taking place, we can take positive steps to transform the conflict into a problem-solving setting instead.
Four Major Reasons Why People Engage in Irrational Behavior
Several of the most common reasons why negotiators may act in an otherwise unreasonable manner include:
- Reflecting Blame – This allows an individual to place their own problems or inadequacies on the other person so they avoid altering their own behavior.
- Habitual Reaction – Many of the reasons an individual may respond in a defensive manner, is a habitual response he has developed from early on in his formative development. In a way, this response acts as a suitable retreat, so the individual can return to familiar patterns of behavior. This behavior becomes comfortable for them when faced with unknown situations.
- Provides a Measure of Excitement – By reacting defensively, the individual allows themselves to change the rules of the game should they be feeling bored, dissatisfied or engaged in internal conflict. Individuals suffering from depression, may also resort to a defensive response and use it as a stimulant to engage in conflict.
- To Gain Approval from Others – Acting defensively may also be used to receive moral support from others. To change their attitude might end up in a withdrawal of this support, or a possible loss of self esteem.
Measures to Change Defensive Posturing to Mutual Problem Solving
Once we comprehend the probable reasons or basis for the deadlock or conflict, we can take steps to eliminate defensive Behavior to find solutions. To do so we must identify the following:
- Cooperation is Key – We must understand that we cannot impose our own resolution on someone who is in a defensive pose. The other person must become part of the solution by being included, through a cooperative effort by both parties to find a mutual resolution.
- Two Way Street – For a mutually agreed solution to be found, the other party must be shown, they cannot impose their own proposal to resolve the matter. They too must adopt a measure of mutual cooperation.
- Both Parties Must Believe – If one or both parties do not possess any hope for a successful resolution, then cooperation is unlikely. Both parties must believe there is hope in resolving the conflict.
- Trust the Resolution – When a negotiated resolution is accomplished, both parties should abide by the agreement. If there is a lack of trust, the agreement will become shaky or not sustainable.
Understanding their Interests is Vital
A person’s sense of identity, self esteem, and personal security, are intangibles that are often intrinsically non negotiable items. To break the defensive stance, we will need to assuage their inner issues and concerns by assuring them that we are keen to attend to their emotional interests. They are then prone to become more agreeable to working along with us.
We can accomplish an understanding of their interests, by active listening while showing that we support and sympathize with the emotional basis for their defensive positioning. This does not imply that we have the same opinion. By taking this attitude we are indicating that we are ready to be open minded and receptive. Admitting that their defensiveness is worth considering will aid in greatly lessening the antagonism.
Conflict in negotiation may have a psychological basis that isn’t fully exhibited at the negotiation table. There are many reasons why people react defensively, or with some measure of hostility. We have to employ effective communication to gain a deeper understand of the fundamental reason behind this Behavior. An enabling atmosphere can only be created when both parties believe in mutual cooperation, and hope that the other party will concur to any agreement they reach. It always takes one party to take the proactive step for being collaborative. Negotiators must always endeavour to fully understand the real interests that are present behind the position.
